How do you feel right now, at this very moment? Are you nervous, hungry, or angry? Are you worried about the future or kicking yourself about a mistake you have made in the past?
Chances are, if you’re alive, you’re going through something, something painful, something embarrassing, something you don’t want to think about, and are too afraid of what would happen if someone else knew what you were experiencing.
Ironically, as we try to hide “the demons” inside us in order to fit in with “the norms of the world,” we actually become less connected to others. This is because in reality we all share the basic human need to be loved, understood, and accepted. While we can feasibly survive on our own, our physical and mental states plummet when we experience alienation. On the other hand, connecting with others has been shown to not only boost our immune functioning but also to increase longevity. Compassion (the ability to notice the pain of another being and the desire to alleviate that pain) is an essential component of developing a meaningful connection.
So how does this compassion thing work?
The first part of compassion is mindfulness, meaning the ability to pay attention to yourself and to others. Mindful attention allows us to step away from the cloud of funk that we often walk around in, and notice the world around us, and notice ourselves as well. Unfortunately, we are often so overwhelmed by what we are going through, it becomes difficult to notice what the people around us are going through.
The concept of common humanity refers to the notion that we all go through a hard time, and that we all wish to be happy.Scientists have found that when we observe our friend being mistreated, we feel as much emotional pain as we would if we ourselves were going through this experience. However, for many people, this expression of compassion is absent when they are observing a stranger going through a hard time, in particular, if the stranger is a homeless person, someone who struggles with substance abuse, or a sex worker. Research suggests that many people show neural (brain imaging) responding to pictures of homeless people, which suggests that these people are not being viewed as human by many observers. That’s highly alarming, as any of us could find ourselves in a similar situation under certain circumstances.
The powerful video below is a wonderful reminder that rich or poor, healthy or sick, homeless or not, we are all human:
Finally, the last part of compassion is kindness in order to alleviate suffering. This does not have to be done through any kind of bold gesture. The most compassionate acts are often the ones that require only a friendly ear to listen to a painful story, a helpful hand to hold another, a shoulder to lean on. The acts of kindness in order to alleviate the suffering of others do not only pertain to humans, but also to animals, since we all know that animals suffer too.
The video below is a beautiful and heartwarming demonstration of true compassion toward a dying dog.
I now invite you to take a second look at the picture on the very top of this post. What do you see? What aspects of compassion are present?
My hope is that through learning more about compassion we can establish deep connections with ourselves and others and take meaningful steps toward what’s important.
Warmly,
Shadow Quill
